Back on the chain gang

I spent all day with the ISO auditor who looks a bit like Liam Neesons bearded avuncular brother, and has piercing blue eyes that probably are a useful tool of the trade. We managed to have a series of embarassing gaffes which made his job a damn sight easier; almost embarassingly so. Two barrels of ethylene glycol appeared next to the cycle racks. Our waste oil was unbunded and no one could tell us if the drain in the car park went to stormwater or sump/soil. No drawing (no surprise) and engineer pulled an ace card marked "selective ignorance" from a sleeve marked "I don't have time for this shit" (he probably didn't but we all have a job to do).

Radio 4 this morning was talking about foodbanks and how middle class families pitch up to request a few tins of broth to tide them over. If twinkies can get hand outs when they both get made redundant and the bank is not very understanding, I do wonder why those of us not so middle-class have WAY more pride and would rather sell a kidney than opt for a soup kitchen. But I know the answer. Entitlement is an innate sensibility and is unaffected by the things one might have to do that the Joneses won't ever find out about. And the reason they are wealthy in the first place is because they are calculating and intelligent with money and will take every freebie and every discount and maximise any money saving opportunity. Those of us on the lower tier who haven't always known when we'll next have money are always stupid when we get it. Those who are paper rich but temporarily embarrased should be turned away until the last single mum with no income with 4 kids (smunfky?) has worked up the courage to call. The truth is that the serious increases in unemployment, the unrented retail premises and the increase in crime are all happening exactly where you'd expect - South Wales, The North and The Midlands. As the Poles go home and the Romanians pitch up, Tarquin and Jocasta's dad is not the one now working alongside them in the lettuce field. If I lose my job though, I'd be there in the fields, because my stupid pride forbids me from accepting any charity whilst i have two hands that can work and plenty of people of my social equal think the very same. I think that's odd because the middle class media perception is the exact opposite; of wayne slob and vicky pollard grabbing handouts and wasting money on fags and booze whilst their kids go hungry. Ignorant is not the same as helpless though. And cockroaches may not have evolved very far but theyre better adapted than the dodo.

Speaking of chavs prevailing, Joe Cole is "in bits" after Chelsea's "donimance" [sic] was severely tested. I know scoring a goal is the third best feeling in the world, but the only reason Chelsea were able to score and undertowel themselves with their consecutive lifelines this evening is because a scouser, no matter how normally staid by the influence of Spanish pragmatists, will always gamble when the see the odds go daft. And it sometimes works. This time it wasn't to be. But 20 years after Hillsborough, if any team can treat Kiplings two imposters with equanimity it is Liverpool.